UST

The University of South Tampa President Heather Trust reported today that this year’s graduating class is a record 91% literate, not counting the athletic department.

“Today University of South Tampa graduates overwhelming can read and write in a functional capacity. They are the leaders, the future of Tampa Bay’s workforce. Tomorrow’s servers, bartenders and cashiers and construction laborers are being produced right here right now.” boasted Trust to the press.

“It is vital we prepare our graduates for the jobs that fuel the Florida population growth business model. I am proud our graduates are fully capable of fulfilling the small number of entry level minimum wage jobs we have available in Florida.”

She pushed aside comments earlier this year to close the University as there was no need for additional slave wage laborers with high unemployment in Tampa Bay. “The quality of menial laborers we are producing makes Tampa Bay competitive.”