Heights Declares “No Douche Bag Zone
From 83 Degrees Magazine the
new media of Tampa Bay.
If you have been
waiting for McDintons North to open up your hopes have been dashed
because the Seminole Heights neighborhood has declared itself a no
douche bag zone as of today.
Mark Zooburg lives in
the neighborhood and says douche bags have been a major problem. He
hopes the signs and increased police presence combined with a shoot to
kill order enforceable by the local citizens will keep them out of his
upscale neighborhood and back in their natural habitat of south Tampa.
The unusual move was
approved by the City council yesterday at the behest of local
neighborhood groups who report that with the rising popularity of the TV
show Jersey Shore the South Tampa Douche Bags have become both larger in
number and more aggressive.
When it was unclear
if the order should be enforced by the police or animal control city
council gave shoot to kill authority for individual residents of
Seminole Heights to enforce the act themselves.
Widely heralded as a
progressive step some residents of Seminole Heights such as Tom Deeter
feel the law should go still farther. He wants more then a reactive
policy rather he wants a controlled hunt of douche bags to limit and
control their population as we do with deer, and forced relocation as we
do with alligators.
alligators that come into contact with human beings because they are
more dangerous, the more bold gators. These douche bags coming out of
South Tampa are just as bold and dangerous. We should shoot them and we
should be relocating them to New Jersey and New York where they will be
happy and not a threat to humanity” he says.
The concept of a
controlled douche bag hunt does has wide appeal in the Seminole Heights
and Town and Country neighborhoods who have jointly asked the State Fish
and Wildlife department what the rules would be to issue hunting permits
and a hunting season for douche bags in Tampa. A reply is expected next
Meanwhile on Davis
Island residents are certain they are not douche bags but many privately
wonder what will happen should they choose to leave their secluded and
deluded little world. The DI Neighborhood association has asked for
clear written guidelines defining a douche bag and has a team of lawyers
ready to fight their meeting any definition written.
Channelside and downtown over-priced condos are in fear, refusing to
leave their homes and are ordering out for meals till the crisis blows
over. They hope they law will be repealed by the People for Ethical
Treatment of Animals whom they have called via cell phone.
Known douche bag Troy
“Liberty” Kenny says the fear is an overreaction. He and his crew never
go north of Kennedy Blvd. and insisted that if the Seminole Heights
residents come to South Tampa they will have to face “the gun show”
which he followed with flexing and grunting.
From 83 Degrees
Magazine the new media of Tampa Bay.